I’ve been deconstructing my Christian faith for the best part of two years. The process has been, at times, lonely, isolating and painful. My once sure and certain faith has slowly chipped away as I’ve walked down the road of doubt and deconstruction. It started as I began questioning little things, such as the teaching I’d been handed about LGBTQ relationships and sex. As I pulled at those threads, I suddenly found more were coming loose, and soon I was spiralling down the path of deconstruction as the answers that once made sense suddenly weren’t cutting it anymore. For a long time, I kept this to myself, feeling as if I was on my own, the only one in the church who was struggling with doubt and unbelief. I thought that if I tried harder, prayed more and kept reading my Bible, things would get better. But they didn’t.
Then, about a year ago, a friend of mine shared on Facebook an episode of The Liturgists Podcast entitled “LGBTQ”. The conversation on the podcast featured some people sharing personal experiences of their experiences of being gay and Christian and was one of the first times I’d found an argument I agreed with. I decided to listen to more of what these guys had to say so listened to the podcast from episode one. As I listened to episode after episode, I discovered, for the first time, people speaking my language. Michael Gungor and ‘Science Mike’ spoke honestly about their experiences of doubt and deconstruction, and through this podcast, helped me to navigate through my deconstruction and deal with my questions. I realised the importance of hearing other people’s stories, and sharing my own, both to understand the journey I’m going on, as well as to help others who are going through similar things. This led me to start blogging about my experience, and turned my blog into what it is today.
So you can imagine my excitement at the news that Science Mike (real name Mike McHargue) was releasing a book about his journey from Christian to atheist, to follower of Jesus. “Finding God in the Waves” is Mike’s first book, and details his experience of doubt, deconstruction, and subsequent reconstruction of his faith through mysticism and science.
In the book, Mike describes the experience of losing his faith after his parent’s divorce, detailing how re-reading the Bible lead to the realisation that it could not be true. He describes the time he spent living as a closeted atheist, unable to share with his family or his church the doubts and questions he was having. He shared how he found places online, through blogs and forums, where he was able to talk to other people, both Christian and atheist about his experience of losing his faith in a safe environment. He goes on to share about how his wife and mother discovered his secret and the conversations they had following that revelation. He shares about his mystical encounter at Laguna Beach during a Rob Bell conference, and how that sparked the reconstruction of his faith.
As I read through the pages of Mikes book, I found enormous comfort in his story. While I’m certainly not in the same place, and he has managed to reconstruct a faith after deconstruction, I found many parallels to my experience in Mike’s story. I found the ways in which Mike is starting to reconstruct his faith, through science, meditation, and community, really helpful for me to think about where I could go from here. If you’re familiar with the Liturgists Podcast, you’ll know that Science Mike has the gift of being able to explain even the most complex of scientific theories, in a way that makes them incredibly easy to understand. Mike dedicates two chapters of the book to detail how cosmology and neuroscience helped him to construct the first of what he calls his “Axioms of Faith”, an axiom being a premise so evident as to be accepted as true without controversy.
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“God is AT LEAST the natural forces that created and sustain the Universe as experienced via a psychosocial model in human brains that naturally emerges from innate biases. EVEN IF that is a comprehensive definition for God, the pursuit of this personal, subjective experience can provide meaning, peace, and empathy for others.”
While this axiom is by no means an orthodox Christian definition of God, I personally found it incredibly useful as a frame to start reconstructing some idea of God for myself. Mike has written ten Axioms, all of them are incredibly helpful as a starting point for reconstructing faith post-deconstruction.
Navigating through any kind of faith transition can be incredibly difficult, lonely and isolating. If it hadn’t been for podcasts such as The Liturgists, and the communities and conversations I’ve been part of with others on similar journeys to myself, I would not be in the place I am today. Mike’s book goes on sale today from all good bookstores, feel free to purchase a copy from the Amazon link below, I thoroughly recommend it. But above all, I recommend that whatever journey you’re on, whether you’re pre-deconstruction, deconstructing, or reconstructing your faith, talk about your experience with others, whether that’s online or face to face. Read other people’s stories, even if you disagree with them, and share your own. Because you never know what you might learn, or how your story may help someone else on a similar journey to yourself.
Buy Mike’s Book
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