Believing Again – A Testimony of Unbelief

When I was eighteen, I was preparing to get baptised, and part of the service included me sharing my testimony. The testimony of how I became a Christian, how God had changed my life, and why I was choosing to get baptised. The purpose of this was partly evangelistic, to share what had transformed my life in the hope it might lead to a similar transformation in somebody else. It was also really helpful for me as a self-reflection, to enable me to work out for myself exactly why I was making this decision, and to give me a written record to look back at in the future. I’ve blogged a lot recently about the ways my faith has changed and deconstructed. But I still get a lot of people asking me what happened. What caused my deconstruction, and the changes in my faith and beliefs? This post is an attempt to answer that question, a ‘Testimony of Unbelief’ if you like.

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Feeling Empty

It’s been a couple of weeks since my last post. I’d meant to blog regularly about my journey doing atheism for lent, but I’ve found it extremely difficult to put into words what’s been going on. The readings have been extremely interesting. Honestly I’ve found a lot of them to be extremely difficult to read and get my head around, but perhaps that’s just because I’m not used to reading philosophy. I’m really looking forward to having some more time to read them again once the course is finished and understand them even more.

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Loosening My Grip

I love travelling, as I write this I’m sitting in ‘Jardin Majorelle’, Marrakech. I’ve spent the last three days travelling through the Atlas Mountains to the Sahara Desert. In the mountains we saw the snow and threw some snowballs, before travelling to some traditional Berber villages and drinking copious amounts of tea. We then travelled to the desert (frequently stopping along the bumpy roads for cigarette breaks, chicken tagine and more tea), took a camel two hour camel ride from Merzouga into the Sahara and settled to camp for the night before heading back to Marrakech the next morning.

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Can I Be Gay And Christian?

A few years ago I was at a Christian youth festival, working with the detached team. As part of the week, we ran a debate night called “Grill a Christian”, where anyone could come and ask questions to do with faith and life; we would do our best to answer and talk about them. One girl stood up towards the end of the evening and asked the question “Can I be gay and Christian?”…

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Who Am I?

Who am I? That’s a question I’ve asked myself a lot recently. In the midst of losing my job, travelling the world, falling in love, trying to break back into the music industry, making some amazing friends and having my heart-broken; my whole life seems to have changed in the past few months and I’ve been left with this question burning on my mind. Who am I?

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The Waiting Game

Bleary eyed, we got off the coach after the nine hour journey from Berlin to Amsterdam. It was 5am and the only place we wanted to be? Bed. By the time we made it to the centre of the city, after trying to understand the ticket machine (and realising we don’t speak a word of Dutch), it was 6am. We went in search of breakfast. We realised that nowhere in Amsterdam is open for breakfast before 7am, so decided to explore the city. With no wifi, mobile data or any idea where we were going, we somehow found ourselves in Amsterdam’s infamous ‘Red Light District’…

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Noise

It’s not often in London that we stop. All day, every day there is so much noise, so much action. My life is full of it; working, seeing friends, socialising. When I have nothing to do I’m trawling through social media, playing games on my phone or binging on Netflix. None of these are bad things, but so rarely in life do I stop, sit in silence, and enjoy that moment…

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