Believing Again – A Testimony of Unbelief

When I was eighteen, I was preparing to get baptised, and part of the service included me sharing my testimony. The testimony of how I became a Christian, how God had changed my life, and why I was choosing to get baptised. The purpose of this was partly evangelistic, to share what had transformed my life in the hope it might lead to a similar transformation in somebody else. It was also really helpful for me as a self-reflection, to enable me to work out for myself exactly why I was making this decision, and to give me a written record to look back at in the future. I’ve blogged a lot recently about the ways my faith has changed and deconstructed. But I still get a lot of people asking me what happened. What caused my deconstruction, and the changes in my faith and beliefs? This post is an attempt to answer that question, a ‘Testimony of Unbelief’ if you like.

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Come to me

The past few months have been tough. I’ve felt apathetic, angry and far away from the faith I grew up with. I’ve been doing more and more for God than ever, helping to lead a connect group, worked for a church, seen amazing answers to prayer and had some great friends around me. Yet it feels like the fire has gone out, I’ve got more questions and doubts than ever and I feel like my life has been flipped upside down and crashed to the floor like the last time I attempted to flip a pancake…

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