I spend the majority of my time in the past or the future. So much of my headspace is taken up with wishing things could return to how they were back then, thinking about how when that happens I’ll finally be happy. I live so much of my life focusing on the past that I can’t change, and the future that is never entirely certain, that I miss the only thing I have any control over. The present.
The only thing that exists is now. The past is gone, the future is not here yet, the only moment I have any control over is the one that is happening right now, and yet I seem to spend so little of my life in this moment. So often, my mind is either cluttered with guilt, regrets, bitterness and non-forgiveness, things that come from focusing too much on the past, or anxiety, tension, stress, worry and fear, which come from focusing on a future out of my control. All of these things cloud my mind and stop me from experiencing the present moment, from the world around me.
Of course, sometimes this can be helpful, I can learn from the past and celebrate the achievements that I’ve made, and I can plan for my future to ensure that I’m working towards something productive. However, the problem lies when I try to escape from the present moment and live my life almost entirely in the past or the future. Not only is that not healthy for me, but it drains the life out of those around me.
I’m trying to make a habit of drawing my attention back to the present. To free my mind from the problems of the past and the pressures of the future and bring my consciousness into the now. Reminding myself that I am a whole and complete person, no matter what state my life situation is in right now. That salvation, enlightenment, or whatever word I use to describe is available to me right now, not as a promise of a better tomorrow if I behave in the correct way. I’m reminding myself that the most important step I can take is the one I’m taking right now. Because nothing exists apart from the here and now.
So often I think that what matters is my destination. Where I am heading, or even what I am doing or believing. But I’m beginning to realise that by focusing on those things I’m missing the entire purpose of my journey, which is in the how. How are my beliefs affecting the way I live my life? The way I treat others, the way I treat the planet or myself? How does the step I’m taking right now affect those close to me? How does it make me more compassionate, caring or kind?
It’s not easy, but I’ve found that the more I try to live my life focusing on the now and the how, the happier I am. When a problem comes my way, if I can’t deal with it then what is the use worrying about it? There may come a time when situations improve, and I can change the situation, but worrying will not bring that about any quicker. If I make a mistake, I can learn from it, try to put things right or clean up the mess if I can, and move on. Regret or bitterness won’t make a difference, the only place things can change is in the present. Because in reality, that’s all there is.
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I feel like you and I are on VERY similar journeys! Every time you post it’s like an extract from my diary. Incredible
Thanks for reading, Cece! Glad that you’re finding my posts helpful. G x